Idol

Feelings are a hard thing to convey; especially for a guy who puts others first.  I always try to put a strong front but all I feel is pain. Pain because you're not here. As the sickness fell in I couldn't see you act and avoided you. My idol and friend was no longer there. Instead I had a man who challenged a baby for the role of the weakest link.....

You made me the man I am today and sometimes I hate that. I hate feeling emotions. I hate being nice, I hate the fact that I always put others first. All i've wanted to do since you left is cry, because I can't imagine you gone. 

I try to forget that you're gone. I try to continue with my life but I can't. I regret so much. So many things I haven't told you and that you don't know. I regret not telling you that I loved you. That you were a father to me. I wish I could have made you proud, but so far all I feel is a failure.

The pain.....I can't even imagine the pain you went through. A man who never cried, was screaming in pain. He didn't know nor could he talk about how he felt. All he could do was scream; and all I could do was watch as life slipped away with every yell.

I wish you were here.  You were my biggest inspiration in life and I miss you terribly. 

Fading

As I observe the timeline I remember moments past.  Times in which I had time to learn and understand.  Nowadays it just seems everything's a mess.  It's all mixed messages and pain. Death and suffering. What I wouldn't give to be that kid from 10 years ago. To play and learn about the new world all over again.

As I observe the timeline I wish for a better future. A future where the old me is still new; and where mistakes meant a new lesson and were nothing to dwell on.

As I observe the timeline I wish for moments where I excelled. Times in which iI knew the answer and changed my own history.

As I observe the timeline I realise.....that time is gone. I've lost the innocence and strength I once had.

As I observe the timeline the hatred I feel from others has increased, but all I wish for is to be a kid again.

As I observe the timeline, I fade away.....